when the going gets tough, the tough gets going

ugh, that title was total bullshit. it just slipped into my mind. realised i haven't been blogging. don't know what to blog either. school's been crap. i just submitted an assignment today, barely sleeping the night before, ended up with typing the assignment with my eyes closed. seem to think better that way. before i really fall into deep sleep i think and scour every possible part of brain to get information out for my essays. i'm in deep. deep in shit that is. praying everyday that i would just get those grades for my essays. i'm losing faith in myself, in everything, in everyone. don't you just have days like that? or maybe it's just me. the pessimist, the i-dunno-what-hell-im-talkin-about-ist.

recently, i've been having tags from an entity know as if i don't recall wrongly, shuxin pingpong, and anonymous entity i think. i do hope they are two separate people. it was all about my karma. i've got bad karma apparently. would bad karma kill me?maybe, possibly. should i fear bad karma? maybe, possibly. my life seems fucked. (to my parents: don't think the extreme, i just seem to have a flair of being over dramatic in my entries) i get the feeling i'm being judged. interestingly by the people who don't seem to be currently in the same continent as i am right now. i was upset when i first came, yes, many of you would have knownwith my constant whingeing, i sincerely apologise for that. but does that mean i would cower with fear and give my studies right up and go back to singapore? NO! cos' that is the stupidest thing i've ever heard. one asked, but that i understood cos my email to him was when i was at my lowest. i could see why he asked. but the other.. i am speechless. the mere thought and audacity to ask me such a question.

i don't hate melbourne. i don't hate australia. i don't hate my life. it's just different. i need to accept and adapt. i am adapting or living quite well so to speak. i eat better over here, cos i hardly eat takeouts, i am living my independent life, i am taking care of myself. what is so wrong in that? i might make choices which are and could be mistakes. but those are my choices. i'll pay for them. i will live and learn from them. isn't that what living abroad and on your own is all about? independence. i don't want to lean on someone forever. yes i have not gain full independence because i am still tied by monetary strings. it's times like these i wish i am working. at this point, a degree is the furthest i am going.