urm.. i don't what to title this lah

i was feeling so darn fat a week ago, so i decided to take a look at fitness first.. wah lao.. they got bootcamp can.. it's a weekly thing i think.. that is so crazy. i imagined myself signing up, and fainting in minutes after the BOOTCAMP has commenced. that's how unfit i am. yes, i might look slim/skinny, however you may wanna put it, but i am very very unfit. which is why, i wanna go back to singapore and join a gym, yes even if it's for a month.

i hate to admit this but i have never used a gym's facilities before, therefore i do not know how to use the stupid equipment which is what that is keeping me away from the stupid gyms we have in singapore. another obvious reason is of course, people there seem to be there, to bio people lah.. i am there to sweat it all out.. so stop looking at me can. if i wanna wear an oversized tee with basketball shorts and run on the freaking treadmill, that is my right, isn't it? stop sizing me up and down and scoff when i don't fit into your i'm in the tightest and skimpiest outfit ever to exercise. like huh, go exercise must wear thong also ah.. so no vpl.. fuck man.. image is sooo overrated.

oh, this was the pic i wanted to put up for mamaduke.. not too sure if it can be seen clearly, but the metal cutouts at the back, are pictures of ducks/birds. i dunno what they are supposed to resemble lah..

the weather is turning cold in melbourne. my best friend at home right now is the heater. and i am still freezing.. maybe it's my refusal to wear a sweater at home.. i seriously need thermals. but thermals are soooo dowdy. saw really nice ones from where was it.. rachel bilson was wearing it sometime ago.. but blooody expensive can.. 78 USD if i'm not wrong.. it's thermals leh..

i'm in a pretty good mood today. essays are finally over. just gotta start studying for exams. i dunno why, but i seem to be looking forward to it. then again, maybe it's cos i really need to do well for it.

had talks with people, and i didn't realise that my entries made me seem like i hate melbourne, that i am not adapting well. everyone seems to have the impression that coming over here would be fun. yeah, i guess it would be fun, if i had friends to have fun with. yes, i know, i'm whingeing on my lack of friends again. i won't say that i am not making enough effort to find friends here, but the people here in uni are soooo young. not that i have anything against young people, but c'mon if you look at it, my friends are actually all older than me. i don't click to well with younger people it seems. and since i am looking for older people, they are all asians.. but i don't wanna fit into that asian stereotype, you know what i mean.

i was told, maybe you should have gone sydney instead, it seems like you'll be much happier.. i would say, i doubt so, cos it would be the same. i do like living alone. it's really an experience. i'm learning how to settle issues on my own, even though i constantly procrastinate against doing it. i am more appreciative of my parents and the stuff they do around the house without complaining. k, maybe they do to a certain extent. but i am grateful for that. i realised how my expenditure affects me.. i wanna be vague here, cos its money matters.. haha

thought of my future.. i don't even know if i can get a proper job here. my life seems so bleak. i questioned myself today on whether doing an arts course is the right thing to do.. i don't seem to know what i am doing. i lack passion, i lack drive, i lack direction. i need these three soon, otherwise...

my birthday is approaching, i think it's in 11 days. not gonna celebrate though. what's the point in celebrating when there isn't anyone to celebrate with. gotta study on that day anyway, for my final test. birthdays are just days anyway. i'm typing depressing stuff, but yet, i'm still bubbly.. i think it's the caffeine kicking in.